'I dare you all and I hope I lose'

How one St. Charles MABA maniac is modeling strength, courage and generosity

Sign up/log your burpees here.
MABA 2023 launched today. I hope your shoulders are killing you. Mine are quite toasty after 222 burpees on an amazingly, distractingly, almost disappointingly beautiful day in suburban St. Louis. If we’re going to do something ridiculous like 222 burpees, we might as well do it in the cold and snow. Alas, it was shorts and t-shirt weather.

At church this morning, our preacher chose as his text Joshua 1:1-8. In that passage, Joshua is on the cusp of entering the Promised Land. It’s an ideal passage to use at the beginning of a New Year, and an ironic one at the beginning of MABA, considering the Israelites were entering a land of milk and honey and MABA maniacs are entering a land of pain and exhaustion.

I found it interesting that in that short text, God tells Joshua to be strong and courageous three times. Paraphrasing C.S. Lewis, the way to become strong and courageous is to do things that require strength and courage. We have a PAX in F3 St. Charles who is modeling both—it takes strength to complete MABA and courage to commit to it (see his comments below)—and he’s exceedingly generous on top of that.

He has pledged $1 to the Shriners Hospitals for Children for every burpee done on January 3 at an AO called The Bayou with a max of $10,000, and we are doing everything we can to make him pay for his generosity.

I don’t know who the donor is; he requested anonymity, and my job as a journalist for almost 30 years has been to reveal secrets, not keep them, so I’d rather not know. I sent him these questions through an intermediary.

Why Shriners? 

I wish I had some heartwarming connection to the Shriners. It would be great to paint a heroic beginning to this event that would touch people and compel others to give. The truth is much more simple.

So many charities misuse funds. I have given to a well-established fundraiser for cancer research in the past to later find out that the money is funneled to several organizations that have nothing to do with cancer research. In one case, money I donated was provided to an organization I find morally offensive.

Then we have the Shriners. As a boy I thought they were old guys that wear funny hats and ride go-carts in parades. Years later I learned that the sole purpose of their existence is to fund children’s hospitals. And these are good hospitals. Serious hospitals.

They help kids that have been dealt a difficult hand. If you are thinking I am a Shriner, I am not. I know a Shriner who is passionate about what they do and he explained how the families at a Shriners Children’s hospital never pay a dime. These hospitals exist 100 percent on donations. The difficulties these kids overcome is staggering. The medical costs the families face are enormous. Shriners provide one place where they are not an insurance company calculation. They are families with a tough kid and parents that will do whatever it takes. I can support that without fear of where my money is going.

What is so special about the Bayou?

There are two reasons this is at the Bayou this first year. 1. The Bayou has a scheduled BD that falls on 1/3. So why does 1/3 matter so much? I saw a patch somewhere that said “I am third.” I didn’t know what it meant so I looked it up. I saw it explained that God is first, others are second, I am third.

F3 does not have a religious affiliation, but belief in God is not a religion. A man knows there is a God or he does not. I worship Jesus, and that “I am third” patch stuck with me. Going forward, I hope this “I am 3rd for Shriners” day continues. I want it to be big. Way bigger than anything I could ever do. It will help if everyone can remember when the day is coming. So it will always be 1/3. 1/3 is a date, 1/3 says one third, 1/3 is easy to remember when it is “I am 3rd.” It’s easier to remember than your wedding anniversary.

2. The Bayou is special. It has a culture that is special. It’s hard to identify exactly how they do it. It would be a great thing to identify and package up and share. You notice that the bayou PICKS UP THE 6.

Have you thought yet, uh-oh these F3 boys are coming for my wallet? 

I dare you! Come and get it! I originally had no limit on the donation size but then faced two questions. 1. Will they clean me out? Am I about to let my mouth write a check that I can’t cash? Then the second question was “what if I have no limit and the pax turn out only produces a couple grand?”

I've been working with TexMex (1st F Q in F3 St. Charles region) to facilitate this event. I approached him with the idea of a limit and one of us (I can’t remember who) realized the limit could be good. It could act like a target. A challenge.

I don’t know if $10K is the correct amount. It has to be enough to be serious but also attainable. It has to be enough to get attention, but it has to be a check I can write. I’m not rich. I have a regular job like everyone else. This is a challenge for both of us, me and the pax. I dare you all and I hope I lose.

If 1/3 comes and the HIMs show up to work and do what they do and $10K ends up being a joke because it was so easy, I don't know how to address that. It would be fantastic, but where do I come up with double that for next year? If I set the limit at $20k, I don’t know where to get it. This is a problem I hope to have and maybe the pax will help me out next year. Maybe next year we can go even bigger.

In what ways, if any, has getting up early to work out outside with men through F3 made your life better? 

The health benefits have been tremendous. It took me a while before I could get through a BD.

But then you do. And then you are pushing yourself harder and the encouragement never stops. Along the way you learn to trust the pax in the gloom. You realize they throw around the word “brother” because they mean it.

I didn’t become a sad clown as I grew older like some guys do. I started out that way. I am blessed with a wonderful wife that I thank God for. I have a deep and meaningful relationship with her. I have never had a real connection with anyone else. Before I started meeting insane men in the park in the dark, I would have never believed a meaningful relationship with any other person was even possible. That is changing.

With the help of insane men.

In the dark.

Do you have a favorite and least favorite exercise and why are both burpees?

Yes, I hate burpees. Perhaps I don’t do enough. I must admit I was shocked at how hard it was/is for me to bear crawl. That is just not something that happens in life. You go about your business, and you will have the need to pick things up, to push, to lift. When do you need to bear crawl?

But then I was introduced to Dragons (a brutally horrible exercise stolen/modified/made his own by that lunatic Tex Mex.) I hate Dragons. I will always hate Dragons. It makes me question how I feel about TexMex. What is wrong with him? With MABA 2023 starting in a matter of hours, I will soon be asking “what is wrong with Ralph (the Q of MABA and author of this newsletter)?”

TexMex and Ralph: Insane men I met in a park in the dark. 

Why are you doing MABA?

It sounds terrible, why am I? MABA is intimidating. MABA takes commitment. MABA will be hard. I will be a better man on the other side of it. I will have volunteered to do something I find that is hard, intimidating and requires commitment. I want to know that I can.

I am also using MABA for my own selfish agenda. MABA is huge. MABA is a platform already built and ready to go. 1/3 could never take off without riding MABAs back. I’m trying to use MABA as a force multiplier. A 3rdF CSAUP within a 1stF CSAUP. Although I don't know if I'm comfortable calling any 3rdF effort a CSAUP. There is nothing stupid or pointless about it.

Send proof of the weird places you do burpees

The annual “doing burpees in crazy places” starts today. Video or photo evidence is preferred so I can share it. Highlights from previous years include the Grand Canyon, multiple airplanes, the roof of a house and whatever the ice rink you play curling on is called.

If you don’t buy a t-shirt, did it even happen?

You’re not going to do 100 burpees a day for a month and not buy a shirt are you?

—

Do you know of an inspiring MABA participant I should write about? Email me.

A heartfelt thank you

Final note: That anonymous donation is hitting me in all the feels, and I want to explain how/why. These might be more more dotted lines than straight but …

My mom died the day before MABA started (so two years ago yesterday) which makes everything about MABA near and dear to my heart even though she would have thought it was all kinds of crazy. I know beyond knowing that, based on the charm/wit in the donor’s answers to my questions, my mom would have loved him.

She was the unofficial grandma to every kid she ever met and the single best thing I ever did for her was make her a grandmother. She didn't have a connection to Shriners that I know of but gave to similar charities (I wish I knew which one, and it's possible it WAS Shriners and I've just forgotten/never knew.) 

After she died one of her friends wanted to give money in her name, and she naturally chose a children's health cause; she didn’t have to ask what my mom cared about, she knew. I've occasionally thought about aligning MABA with a cause but never did for a variety of reasons. I prefer that it happened this way, and I'm moved, thrilled and excited that it's one she cared deeply about.

I hope we drain him of every last dollar of that 10,000.