'Let's finish well because we GET TO do this, aye?'
A terrifying look inside the mind of a MABA maniac leading other MABA maniacs down the homestretch
From left, Sandman, Power Clean and Airhead of F3 JeffCo in a rare moment in which they were not doing burpees. Is it me or does it appear possible that all three of them are wearing the same socks?
Log your burpees here: https://f3maba.com/signup/2023
This issue’s interview is with Tony F3 Airhead Rich of F3 JeffCo in suburban St. Louis.
As of late Wednesday morning, your region had done 205,236 burpees. That was 72,068 more than the region with the next highest total. What is the matter with you people?
I think I’d need to bust the character limit to fully describe what’s wrong with us! But before we start I’d like to go on record and say that we also have the highest number of PAX on pace to complete MABA (3,100 burpees in January), but who’s counting?
OK, so back to what’s the matter with us. You could look on the surface and say that JEFFCO is a bunch of Gorge Runners, and you might be right, but you’d have to dig a little deeper to find out what truly drives us.
We’re a Region that’s doubled in size (both in terms of AOs and PAX) over the past year yet we’ve managed to maintain our culture. We work hard, we play hard, and we care. Just come to one of our Saturday convergences, and you’ll get a sample of what I mean. We’re home to a bunch of Double Beatdown Hopping, CSAUPing, Pre-rucking, Coffeeteria Crushing, Propane Heating, Convergence Loving, Pre-BD EMOMing, STONE COLD STUNNERS. If there is a way to work harder and do more, chances are we’ve been there, done that and got the T-Shirt (or it’s on order from Mudgear).
Why are you, as an individual, doing MABA?
MABA isn’t really a decision for us in JEFFCO. You either sign up or you stop posting in January. If a Q doesn’t program AT LEAST 100 burpees into their BD, they’ll hear it from the PAX. Last year I went off the rails with MABA, refreshing the leaderboard XX number of times throughout the day, burpees in business casual, burpees in parking lots, the burpee headache never went away! I’d say 90 percent of the burpees I did were OYO. This year I wanted to focus on falling down and getting back up TOGETHER and create opportunities for other PAX to do that as well, like the 14,883 burpees done at 4:15 am by 41 PAX the first week of MABA. So I’d say that so far, 90 percent of my burpees have been done with at least one other PAX present, NO OYO.
I keep falling down and getting back up because I get to do it together with some of the best men I know. I know that if I ever fall down, I can count on my brothers to come pick me up, just like I’d do for them.
If you could fly anywhere in the world, drop and do 100 burpees, and fly right back, where would you go and why?
Germany, in front of a Doner Kebab stand. I’ve been craving one since I was stationed there 14 years ago.
I hear you’re the chief MABA cheerleader for your region—which, IMO, is easily the second- or maybe third-best region in the greater St. Louis area, so congrats for that. What is your region as a whole getting out of doing MABA?
Man, other than seeing JEFFCO averaging 1,000 more burpees p/PAX than our closest competitor (not going to name any names here)… I’d say MABA has been a catalyst for JEFFCO. Our Region launched in October 2021 so by the time we hit MABA 2022 we were still relatively new, getting to know one another, and working through our first winter together. We fought HARD to make the podium as a region. We had some competition out of Blue Ridge (RESPECT). It was a daily battle for 3rd place, and in the end it came down to the wire.
January 31st 2022 is a day that will live in infamy in JEFFCO. I’ll never forget relishing in a sizeable lead over Blue Ridge and feeling like we had secured 3rd place. I was so confident that I went to Costco with the family and was enjoying the conclusion of MABA (and free samples). Then Lights Out issued notice that Blue Ridge was surging and getting close to overtaking us. Calls, texts, @channels, and smoke signals went out. JEFFCO clocked back in and got to work. The fact that Blue Ridge was an hour ahead gave us the edge. We continued to do burpees until midnight that night, many PAX had over 1,000 completed that day, we logged just 1,769 more burpees than Blue Ridge, but it was enough, and the rest is history.
This year the biggest reward has been seeing the guys that joined after MABA last year get to experience it. Many PAX are pushing past what they thought possible on January 1st. In fact, there is an epic battle royal going on between two guys in our region, Madoff (Site Q and MABA first timer) and Handball (CSAUP Q, MABA second timer and top-10 finisher last year). Both of those studs are over 12K with one week to go!
I’ve seen MABA unlock guys (it did for me last year) and it can unlock entire Regions (it unleashed JEFFCO in 2022). Even though it’s not easy, it’s Completely Stoic And Utterly Purposeful.
You can invite three people, alive or dead, over for dinner and 100 burpees after. Who would you invite and why?
I’m not going to go my usual route and try to name three people that would show how interesting or cultured I think I am (all lies, I am from Kentucky after all). I’d choose three guys that I know and care about and I know care about me: my Shieldlock. Waldo (Tim Johanns), Obiwan (Patrick Yeung) and Sally (Sean Dailey).
In fact Waldo just hosted a Shieldlock dinner for us all to say goodbye to our lifetime Shieldlock brother, Dear John, before he left for Marine OCS. In addition to the ribs, pork tenderloin and bourbon Waldo whipped up, burpees were done. I’d choose these brothers because we’ve been through peaks and valleys and still keep showing up for one another. They’ve led me to grow in my Catholic faith and helped me to become a better leader in my family and community. Love these men.
I’m wiped out. I’m sure guys in your region—as great of a region as it is, relative to the St. Louis area at least—and across the nation world are wiped out, too. You probably are, too. Why should I, why should you, why should we keep going?
Taylor Phelps (F3 Cardinal) started MABA, and we’re going to help him finish it. We have dedicated PAX assigned to each remaining day of MABA to do 100 burpees for Cardinal and lift his family up while doing them. In addition to the individual PAX donating burpees, Waldo is ensuring that each JEFFCO BD ends with 10 burpees and a moment of silence for Cardinal. Cardinal is currently approaching the 40K Burpee mark.
It’s not how you start, it’s how you finish. Let’s finish well because we GET TO do this, AYE?
A tribute to a HIM who raised another HIM
Early in MABA, F3 Bartles and Jaymes shared a photo of himself doing burpees in his dad’s hospital room. Adel Ayad Kallini suffered a stroke three days before Christmas. He died January 13, a few days after that photo was published. I asked Bartles and Jaymes (real name: Jason Kallini) how he was doing. His answer moved me, so with his permission, I’m reprinting it here.
I'm okay. I had a ton of work this week to keep me busy, but that's only going to buy me a few days of distraction.
He always called every Sunday, so part of me is still waiting for his phone call. I imagine the next entire year is going to hurt, especially near his stroke and Christmas.
I got to say goodbye and tell him that I love him. I wish my last visit hadn't been the burpee visit, but it was good to have all my brothers in the room together with him. I have no regrets for my relationship with him, I only wish my 2.0s had more time with him. I lost both my grandfathers before I was eight. I was hoping for more time for my girls.
I've already eaten two specific meals that made me think of him, and I can only imagine how many smaller things are going to pop up that make me wish he was with me.
My father was a doctor, and he spent 68 years straight either studying medicine or practicing medicine. He never retired, and if there hadn't been the stroke, would be at his office tomorrow to help more people. Our family is small, and not a lot of friends. But he saved thousands of lives over the past six decades. He was amazing.
And if you’re wondering on the math, he was born in Egypt, and in 1944 became the youngest person to ever enter medical school, at 14. He held that title until the late eighties when someone three months younger finally beat him. He attended Harvard Med on coming to the US. He told me how proud he was of me, but I know I’ll never live up to that. I’ll keep trying though.
Death Star burpees
That’s Josh “Holes” Pfeffer of F3 JeffCo. This is a strong entry in the “burpees from unique places” competition. It looks to me like Darth Vader is just off screen and has him in a levitating death grip while stormtroopers look on, grateful they are not being choked to death and/or doing burpees.
Regularly scheduled programming
A few non-MABA housekeeping items: I am a freelance magazine writer for a living. Sometimes I write stories that aren’t about burpees, and I have a few items to share. The National Motorsports Press Association announced the results of its annual writing contest over the weekend. My piece on NASCAR driver Austin Dillon running a bull-riding team won first place in the feature writing category. https://www.nascar.com/long-form/a-different-drivers-seat/
And now for something completely different. My daughters are full-scale Swifties. Since we (miraculously) scored tickets to her concert (thanks F3 Jalopy!), in my house it’s been all TayTay, all the time. There are worse artists for them to obsess over, but still … I kinda, sorta—I mean, if it’s not asking too much—want to listen to someone else and/or talk about someone else for a minute or two—three, tops!—between now and July. There must be millions of men like me—dads who want to simultaneously embrace Taylor-mania for their kids and survive it for their sanity. We’ll make it through with this Taylor Swift Survival Guide.